Over the last quarter of my life, I have been a college basketball coach. Honestly, it has brought some of the greatest joys, as well as some of the most devastating blows, to my life.
It has been an honor to be a small part of a game that teaches life lessons to so many. To have witnessed individuals who truly understood what sacrifice, grit, and work ethic mean has been inspirational to me and to watch them be successful mothers, teachers, and business women is really cool.
On the flip side, it hasn’t always been easy. In 2009, after being publicly accused of things that never happened, I was advised not to speak to the media and tell the full story, because that would imply a combative/challenging nature and the truth would be damaging to people in roles above mine. I didn’t defend myself and listened to the wrong people. I’ll write more about that another time.
However, order has long emerged from the chaos and here’s a few things I have learned.
#1 Don’t apologize for being intense!
Intensity is not a negative. I am intense mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, grocery shopping and just about everything I do. That doesn’t mean my veins are popping and I’m fist pumping the Lysol…I just work with an energy to be great, not perfect…just great. My family taught me earlier in my life that I would have to work at EVERYTHING and I do! Frankly, I come by it naturally, you should watch my mom vacuum. I cringe when I hear people say “she’s too intense.” Does anyone ever hear that he’s too intense? Wikipedia doesn’t refer to gender, so why are we? Who doesn’t want to surround themselves with radiant energy! Life is full of surprises and I intend to share my energy!
#2 Surround yourself with people who love animals!
They have fun! They love unconditionally! They don’t mind a little slobber on their pants. They laugh at stories because they can relate and always know it could happen to them. They are understanding (i.e late for a meeting because dog would not come back to them). They are empathic (i.e. reading a staff members emotion currents due to an aging dog). They are adaptable (i.e. change those pants with slobber). They are optimistic persistently pursuing goals despite obstacles or setback (i.e. a unexpected trip to the vet due to eating the christmas bulbs). They are communicators (i.e. send a clear messages). They resolve conflict (i.e. doggie parks). Sounds like high Emotional Intelligence (EQ)!!
#3 What is legacy?
I had a mentor shame me for not wanting my basketball career to be my legacy. Couldn’t believe I was ignoring 20+ years of playing and coaching …told me I wasted time. (Mentorship 101: listen first, don’t ridicule someone’s thoughts and don’t tell the mentee what they should think……that’s discovery be a supporter) There was a time in which I was too consumed with my win/loss record and I always thought achieving a dream was just about me. It wasn’t until I got everything in life that I realized none of it was for me. My legacy is a matter of what I will do with what I have right now!! Life has a funny way of teaching us that the most important stuff is the ordinary stuff. It is the smallest moments that I remember. The hug from a gratitude filled student-athlete, an email from a parent expressing appreciate or a quick high-five from an administrator that says it all. The great Jackie Robinson stated ” A life isn’t significant except for its impact on other lives.” That will be my legacy…a life well lived for others, surround by family and friends who love me for who I am!
Until next time…peace.